So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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