omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
