i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
