there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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