My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
