Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
