it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
