last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
