Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
