a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
