At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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