we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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