I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
