Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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