capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize