In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
