I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
