If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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