I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
