So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
