U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
