I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
