I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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