Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
