im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
