Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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