I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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