Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?

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(310): View more from California

Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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(561): View more from Florida

There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it

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(904): View more from Florida

We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy

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(843): View more from South Carolina

If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"

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(312): View more from Illinois

You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..

(1-312): View more from Illinois

Don't judge me.

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