If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
