If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize