So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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