do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
