She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
