yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
