So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
