I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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