I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
