Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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