So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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