They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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