I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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