Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize