he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize