Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
