he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
