1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
