I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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