I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
