I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
