1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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