She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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