Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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