There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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