question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
