yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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