Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
