garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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