Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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