Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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