Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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