she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
