So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
