arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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