You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
