I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize