and you said cock pushups were impossible
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
